When I made this blog, I swore it wasn't going to be a 'rant and rave' blog. I'm still sticking to that. Today's going to be the real test of whether or not I am capable of telling people how I feel without ranting or raving like a psycho. Here goes nothing.
A bunch of my good friends live in a house together. There are five of them- two couples and a single girl. One of the couple girls, Ivy, and the single girl, Kat, happen to have been best friends for a couple years now. Last year they shared a 2-bedroom apartment before they moved into the 5-person house. This past week, I've heard a lot that Kat was/is unhappy with the people she lives with. Things have been turning up missing, and found in her room, but she can't explain it. She's being accused of stealing, but there is no evidence pointing for her. The evidence against her doesn't make any sense. Anyway, not really the point- this conflict in the house became a conflict between Kat and Ivy. Me and my roommate Frost are both good friends with the pair, so we offered to step in and try to mediate between them and see if we could work it out. We just wanted to help.
At first, it worked. We brought Kat, Ivy, Ivy's beau, and two of Kat's good friends over to our house for dinner/snacks and to chat. Kat was uneasy at first, but we got her to stay. She and Ivy hashed it out, and everything was fine....until they got on the subject of one particular problem. I'm going to try not to get anyone in trouble by airing their personal details, but let's just say that Kat saw a certain situation differently than anyone else in the room did. She explained why it was a problem and none of us understood. We tried to figure out how to express it differently, to see if we could find a level playing field, but it got out of hand quickly. In trying to tell us why the conversation was at a standstill/couldn't make progress, Kat managed to insult every single person in the room. From what I hear she didn't intend it that way, it just got phrased badly, but it happened (again, accident) to be a real soft spot for Frost. So Kat was upset because no one could understand her and she seemed to feel like we didn't want to help. Frost was upset because she was insulted. It just got so out of hand, so fast.....
I never intended for Kat to feel like we didn't want to help her. But what was I going to say? "Oh sorry you just screwed up and hurt my feelings, let me just forget that and pretend it didn't happen because you're more important than me"? It was just so frustrating. When you say something you don't mean, I feel like the answer should be to apologize. That's what Frost did. She was extremely upset, but she still apologized for her reaction. I guess Kat just didn't want to hear it, because she ran off crying. I went after her, couldn't find her anywhere. Asked multiple people if they'd seen/heard from her, asked people to tell me if they found her- I was insulted, but I wasn't THAT insulted. I'm still a decent human, I'm not a villain.
I couldn't find Kat anywhere. By now, Frost, Ivy and I are all verging on tears. Kat's two friends she brought with her couldn't find words to say. The next thing I knew, Kat had been rescued and the story going around was that we were all horrible villains who chased her away and ruined her life.
I'm still a little hurt, honestly. Usually I have temper problems, I can't control my rage, but right now I'm just hurt. I don't understand why this happened. I was trying to help, to be her friend. She told me she felt alone, she needed someone to stand with her. I tried, and I had it thrown back in my face. I didn't want to lose friends over this, but I don't know what else to do.
Where did we go wrong? I wanted everyone to be friends and work out their problems, not to cause more problems. Peer mediation is one of the highest-recommended problem-solving techniques in existence. My intentions were good, my methods equally good. So what did I do wrong? Am I not seeing something that everyone else can see? I'm not a villain and neither is Kat, Ivy, or any of us. We're all just trying to make it work with each other, or so I thought. Am I wrong about that?
Do the rules of friendship dictate that I should let it go? I'm a terrible person for holding grudges, but I really feel like this isn't a grudge. If the rumors I hear are true (which is always debatable), then Kat feels bad about what she said to me, but I can't bank on that. If she's sorry, I need to know. But there's nothing to be done about that but sit, and wait. I hate waiting. I'm not going to demand a response from her, that will only make things worse. But I HATE waiting!
My head hurts. I didn't get any sleep last night. I'm absolutely miserable today. If I were a bloodthirsty villain who fed on discord, would I be this upset?
I really just need to take a leaf out of my favorite classic novel. "Wait...and hope."
(points if you identify the novel)
I can Google, but I didn't know offhand what the reference was. Either way, I hope things are better soon, dear.
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