Girly Confessions

Okay, so girly confession time. I have developed a crush.
I know what you're thinking! Severus. What about Sev? Aren't I madly in love with him?
Yes.....but some things can't be helped.

It all started when I got a new job. It was one of those "you're the new kid on the block" scenarios, and he happened to be the guy who had to train me. Sure, he picked on me with everyone else, but for some reason when it came from him it felt more like 'boys are mean to you because they like you'. There was a huge difference between him and his twin brother, who also works there. They pick on me in completely different ways. I'M NOT IMAGINING IT.

There are only 3 girls in this place, and considering it's a live-in job, it's almost like growing up with seven brothers. Seven brothers and three tomboy sisters. Tough house. It's fun though, never boring at all.

I was thinking this crush thing wasn't going to go anywhere, but then something happened. I went off to run an errand for the dad of the house, and while I was gone....there was a terrible accident. Our father figure was killed, sending the whole house into our weird, tough-kid version of grief. I got pulled into a weird revenge mission thing with my crush's twin brother, but we got lucky and my crush stopped us before we did anything stupid. He reminded us how our father wouldn't want us to be acting badly, it made us just like the scum who killed him. But he was so nice about it, I didn't really know what to do.

He's a bit of a brute, but a kind one. The gentle-giant kind of person. Not wonderfully smart or intelligent, but he's got some serious street smarts. It's charming in a weird way.

Now for the complicated part. When I was tasked with cleaning out house father's quarters, I found some documents that confused me. I'm the new kid, the untrained, the pretty-much-useless. But for some crazy reason, he named me to be his successor. Not in charge of day-to-day affairs, but it's an advisory position of real respect. What the hell was he thinking? But I checked it with his closest advisor and he confirmed it. I don't understand.

That's only semi-relevant though. Back to the important part....

I can't keep living in a house with and working with someone I have a crush on. I can't leave the job, it's everything to me now. Especially with that promotion. So what do I do?

Well there's only one thing TO do, Nova. Go to Riften, pick up an Amulet of Mara, finish the Questline and ask him to marry you. Duh. Surely a member of the Circle and the Harbinger can marry without too much complication.

Off to Riften!

#SkyrimObsession

Accomplishments

Accompaniment: "Mr. E's Beautiful Blues", Eels

There's nothing quite like feeling really accomplished for doing absolutely nothing. I'm an expert at it, really. Take today for example. I was up until 4:00am last night playing Skyrim. Why? To finish that one quest I really wanted to get done before Thanksgiving break. Was it real life? No. Did it really matter that much? No. Was there any reason at all not to go to sleep and finish the quest tomorrow? No. But I did it anyway, I feel good about it.

I tried to go to sleep, but I was too awake. Plus the fact that Merry and Pippin are nocturnal....they started making some strange noises about 4:15, and I had to get up and check on them. Apparently Pippin has been dragging his teeth along the plastic base of his cage, which says to me that he needs a different chew toy. All rats need chew toys, and I have some wooden fruit-flavored chews for my babies, but they don't seem to like them much. Now I know for sure. Time to change that. Feeling accomplished for making a decision, I refilled their water bottle and crawled back into bed.

2 hours later, my alarm goes off. After five minutes of 'sleep-in-haze', I get up. Usually Frost is up before me for our 8am astronomy class, but today she wasn't. This is not surprising nor a big deal- our teacher doesn't take attendance, and all of her lectures are featured online for the super-lazy. Generally Frost and I try to make it to class, but if we feel extremely miserable upon waking up, we don't bother. But for some reason I felt accomplished for getting up and going to class, despite the conditions of the morning being too much for my dearest Frosty. Like I said, feeling good about nothing. I didn't learn much of anything in astronomy today that I hadn't learned in 7th grade science, and with class hosted online, there's nothing to be proud of. Frost certainly didn't fail or do less than me by not going to class, she just opted for more sleep. I do the same most days. And yet I feel accomplished for no apparent reason.

Sometimes feeling accomplished for nothing just makes you feel good. You know? Almost like, hey, I needed to do something right today and there it was. I finished a quest. I made a decision. I went to class.

Some days it's just about the little things :D

Really, Dude?

I'm starting to believe there's nothing worse than a smart-ass who fails at being one. I feel like it's one of those things you have to be good at to attempt. That stated, I'm not the best, so I don't have much room to talk....but generally, I know when to stop. Like, when the whole room starts staring at you with "Really, dude?" faces because whatever you just said a) makes no sense, or b) just insulted half the room. Or maybe even c) No one likes you or cares what you think, so the idea that you're making jokes and trying to be funny with us isn't going to fly no matter how good you are. We're just tired of you.

Over the last few years, I've discovered this same problem cropping up everywhere. I know a bunch of people who do this, and every time it comes up, it makes me wonder...."Do I do that?"

I know I do sometimes. I try to make jokes and instantly realize that I've failed miserably. If I'm lucky, I can laugh it off and just say, "Oh, hey, that joke just sucked. Oops. Anyway, change of subject?" But is that where it ends for other people? Do they roll their eyes at each other when I leave the room, and lightly comment about being unable to understand just how I could be so clueless as to not realize how much I'm not liked? In essence...do they do what I do?

The worst part of all this is the part where I know for a fact it makes me a bad person. I wouldn't want to be treated that way, but I continue to do it to some people. Granted, "Everyone hates you go away" is very hard to say diplomatically. Getting rid of people you don't like is easier said than done. If I have to deal with my people, they have to deal with theirs. If theirs includes me, then whatever.

So there's that thought for the day.

Hard Day's Night (Warning: Personal Drama, Read At Own Risk)

When I made this blog, I swore it wasn't going to be a 'rant and rave' blog. I'm still sticking to that. Today's going to be the real test of whether or not I am capable of telling people how I feel without ranting or raving like a psycho. Here goes nothing.

A bunch of my good friends live in a house together. There are five of them- two couples and a single girl. One of the couple girls, Ivy, and the single girl, Kat, happen to have been best friends for a couple years now. Last year they shared a 2-bedroom apartment before they moved into the 5-person house. This past week, I've heard a lot that Kat was/is unhappy with the people she lives with. Things have been turning up missing, and found in her room, but she can't explain it. She's being accused of stealing, but there is no evidence pointing for her. The evidence against her doesn't make any sense. Anyway, not really the point- this conflict in the house became a conflict between Kat and Ivy. Me and my roommate Frost are both good friends with the pair, so we offered to step in and try to mediate between them and see if we could work it out. We just wanted to help.

At first, it worked. We brought Kat, Ivy, Ivy's beau, and two of Kat's good friends over to our house for dinner/snacks and to chat. Kat was uneasy at first, but we got her to stay. She and Ivy hashed it out, and everything was fine....until they got on the subject of one particular problem. I'm going to try not to get anyone in trouble by airing their personal details, but let's just say that Kat saw a certain situation differently than anyone else in the room did. She explained why it was a problem and none of us understood. We tried to figure out how to express it differently, to see if we could find a level playing field, but it got out of hand quickly. In trying to tell us why the conversation was at a standstill/couldn't make progress, Kat managed to insult every single person in the room. From what I hear she didn't intend it that way, it just got phrased badly, but it happened (again, accident) to be a real soft spot for Frost. So Kat was upset because no one could understand her and she seemed to feel like we didn't want to help. Frost was upset because she was insulted. It just got so out of hand, so fast.....

I never intended for Kat to feel like we didn't want to help her. But what was I going to say? "Oh sorry you just screwed up and hurt my feelings, let me just forget that and pretend it didn't happen because you're more important than me"? It was just so frustrating. When you say something you don't mean, I feel like the answer should be to apologize. That's what Frost did. She was extremely upset, but she still apologized for her reaction. I guess Kat just didn't want to hear it, because she ran off crying. I went after her, couldn't find her anywhere. Asked multiple people if they'd seen/heard from her, asked people to tell me if they found her- I was insulted, but I wasn't THAT insulted. I'm still a decent human, I'm not a villain.

I couldn't find Kat anywhere. By now, Frost, Ivy and I are all verging on tears. Kat's two friends she brought with her couldn't find words to say. The next thing I knew, Kat had been rescued and the story going around was that we were all horrible villains who chased her away and ruined her life.

I'm still a little hurt, honestly. Usually I have temper problems, I can't control my rage, but right now I'm just hurt. I don't understand why this happened. I was trying to help, to be her friend. She told me she felt alone, she needed someone to stand with her. I tried, and I had it thrown back in my face. I didn't want to lose friends over this, but I don't know what else to do.

Where did we go wrong? I wanted everyone to be friends and work out their problems, not to cause more problems. Peer mediation is one of the highest-recommended problem-solving techniques in existence. My intentions were good, my methods equally good. So what did I do wrong? Am I not seeing something that everyone else can see? I'm not a villain and neither is Kat, Ivy, or any of us. We're all just trying to make it work with each other, or so I thought. Am I wrong about that?

Do the rules of friendship dictate that I should let it go? I'm a terrible person for holding grudges, but I really feel like this isn't a grudge. If the rumors I hear are true (which is always debatable), then Kat feels bad about what she said to me, but I can't bank on that. If she's sorry, I need to know. But there's nothing to be done about that but sit, and wait. I hate waiting. I'm not going to demand a response from her, that will only make things worse. But I HATE waiting!

My head hurts. I didn't get any sleep last night. I'm absolutely miserable today. If I were a bloodthirsty villain who fed on discord, would I be this upset?

I really just need to take a leaf out of my favorite classic novel. "Wait...and hope."
(points if you identify the novel)

Operation Halloween Muffin

I haven't updated in a bit. That's new. It's a little bit late for this, but here's my Halloween-and-other-things post.

Usually, I'm a HUGE fan of Halloween. This year was the first year in four that I haven't worked at a local haunted house as an actress, and I gotta say I missed it. I did get an offer to work at one in the next town over, but as I don't have a car, arranging rides to get there and all that would have been an insane stressor that I didn't have the mental capacity to handle. So instead I went home.

Halloween fell on a Wednesday this year, which is the one night a week I have to spend at work. Granted I spend a lot of time at work just of my own volition, but Wednesday is PRODUCTION NIGHT YOU BETTER BE THERE OR FACULTY ADVISORS KICK YOUR BUTT TO JUPITER AND BACK. So yeah, going to Halloween parties, trick-or-treating, or any other real celebration was out of the question for us newsies. We brought snacks and drinks and threw a party in the office, but that was it. It was nice.

The weekend before, I went home to visit my mother in middle-class suburbia. Our neighborhood back home is very nice and safe, but the terrain is very up and down. Lots of hills, which makes trick-or-treating with a child on foot not much fun at all. They get tired, cranky, etc. and start whining very early. For several years, the neighborhood policy has been to get all the dads together and take the kids on a trick-or-treating hayride. That way they get to all the houses without losing stamina. They end the night with a bonfire at someone's house, and it's a lovely affair. This year they did the ceremony on the Saturday night before Halloween, while I happened to be home for the weekend. It was cool.

My mom and I had a great weekend. We filled up two boxes for Operation Christmas Child- for those who don't know, OCC is a charity drive funded by Samaritan's Purse every Christmas. They give out shoeboxes that people fill with small or necessary items for children in need at Christmas. You pick an age range (2-4, 5-9, or 10-14) and a gender, and fill the box with items for that child. This year, my mom selected a 10-14 year old girl, and I chose a 5-9 year old boy. We went to several different stores. My little boy got a plastic dragon, an inflatable dinosaur, a slinky, a coloring book with crayons, a gummy centipede toy, a washcloth and bar of soap, a toothbrush, and assorted candy. Hopefully he'll like it, wherever he is. I'd sure like that inflatable dinosaur.

Now I'm in full Christmas mode. Anyone who's ever met me knows that I am absolutely in love with Christmas. I have a Christmas playlist on my iPod that will never be deleted, and I listen to it all year round. Red, green, and silver are in my top five favorite colors. This year, my mom told me that I'll be in charge of all the Christmas holiday preparation. She's a school librarian and will be working down to the wire this year, and since I have almost the whole month of December off, I'll be able to do all of the decorating and a good bit of the cooking. Also my brother Drake and his fiancee are coming to spend Christmas with us, so I get to play hostess for that too. Should be exciting. I'm already researching interesting ways to decorate my Christmas tree. Last year I did a criss-crossed ribbon technique with red ribbon going one way and gold going the other. Not sure what I'm going to do this year. I do think I'm going to find a homemade-ornament idea and ask Drake and his fiancee (let's call her Muffin) help me make them. We used to do it all the time as kids, homemade ornaments are special. Plus I want to have some ornaments from Drake and Muffin together.

Now you want to know why I call her Muffin. It's actually pretty funny- Drake has never been one for pet names. He and I both tend to think they're pretty stupid. Muffin doesn't mind names, but she wanted something Drake would like too. Eventually she stumbled upon 'muffin', and discovered that it was a very versatile pet name. You can use it to be sweet, to be funny, or even to be a smart-ass (which is what Drake and Muffin do most of the time). They use it to laugh at each other, it's great. "What did you do with the cookies?" "You're on a diet, muffin." "You ate them, didn't you." "Yep."

I think that's everything of relevance right now....not particularly entertaining, nor wonderfully articulate, but you know what I'm doing these days. That's something, right?

For the Love of Fuzzies

I showed you one picture of my rats so far in this blog, but I have so many more it's not even funny. Why? Because the same way mothers feel about their children, that's how I feel about my rats. They are my sweet babies, the ones that I'm responsible for and care about. They're not kidding when they say pets make people happy- without my rats, I dunno where I'd be.
This is one of those "more than you ever wanted to know about my life" posts, but it's cute, so bear with me.

I have always, always, always had two animals at home: Fish and cats. My mom is a diehard cat lady, and my dad likes maintaining a fish tank. Never knew why, but I loved it too. When I moved to college, I never anticipated how hard it was going to be leaving my pets behind. At first I didn't really notice...but it slowly came to me that I'd never lived without pets before. I didn't know how to do it. What was I supposed to do when I wanted cuddles? I couldn't just be responsible for me, it was too weird. Unfortunately, I lived in a dorm room, so I had to make do with fish and potted cacti for two years.

Pippin comes over to say hello during playtime!

This year, I moved out of the dorms and into my own apartment with one of my friends, and was planning to save up to pay the pet deposit for a kitten.....but what would I do with it when I went home for the holidays? Mom's cats wouldn't tolerate a newcomer, and finding a kitty-sitter is harder than you think. No, I couldn't do that to a poor innocent furball. Don't get a pet if you can go all the way, I say. Look a few years ahead before you adopt. To me, that few years was looking pretty bleak and petless.

Then I remembered something my best friend used to say before she moved to another town for a fancy art school degree- her favorite musician/artist, Emilie Autumn, has rats. Now I'll be honest with you guys, I really don't have much respect for Emilie Autumn. I like one of her early albums quite a lot, but when all of her material started turning to subjects like suicide, insanity, and mental delusion, I stopped listening. Best Friend and I have had many debates on the subject, but we always come out at a stalemate. ANYWAY, the important part is, I remembered the rats. I looked them up on Google, and found that they were the perfect solution to my problem. They were cute, adorable, smart, loyal, low-maintenance, and I could take them home in a cage and keep them in my room when I needed to. It was perfect.

Merry, chillin' in his cage.

The day I went to PetSmart and bought my fuzzies was one of the happiest days of my life thusfar. I huddled with my roommate outside the aquarium of dumbo rats (which I had decided were definitely the cutest), trying to decide which one to pick. Most of them all looked the same- hooded rats, with white bodies and brown or black hoods. How was I going to pick?
"Oooh, look there's a light one! He looks sweet, you should get him!"
I had no idea how right my roommate was, but I went with it. He did look a bit cuter than the others with his white body and very pale tan hood, so I asked the saleslady to hand me that one. He was so soft, much softer than any rat I'd held previously. He was a keeper.
Next I went looking for the other rats, all of whom had tumbled inside their igloo to hide from my searching hands. Only one was brave enough to jump forward and sniff at my fingers. I decided he had some gumption, and he became my second rat. He was white with a black hood, like most of the others, but he seemed to have a winning personality. In the car I gave them the names I'd been brainstorming about all week: the light one became Merry, the dark one, Pippin. Perfect.

Since that day, I have never, ever even slightly regretted my decision. My rats are as sweet and loving as any puppy, and they make me so happy. They're not like the rumors I've heard of gerbils and guinea pigs- they have some real personalities.

 

Pippin helping daddy (Severus) play video games!

When you have two or more rats of the same gender, they figure out their own hierarchy. In my rat cage, Pippin is definitely the dominant rat, the 'older brother' so to speak. He's braver, and much more willing to try new things. Right now he's learning how to answer to his name, as well as how to "stand up" on his hind legs on command. It's his first real trick (the first being that both rats know exactly what "gimme kisses" means).

I've tried a myriad of treats with them, and I must say, my rats are spoiled rotten. Only 20% of their diet is supposed to be treats, but I can't help it. They're so sweet! Still, my version of 'treats' are pieces of celery, carrots, and apples (apples are their favorite). The only non-produce treat I give them are mango-apricot flavored yogurt chips, and those are generally rewards when teaching tricks.

 

Merry on the couch!

Merry is definitely my sweet little baby brother rat. He's the first one to come to the cage door when I open it because he tends to stay on the first floor (they have a three-level cage). He's a scaredy-rat, always hiding from things that bother him, but he's too sweet to bite or anything. The only way you can tell if he's truly distressed is if he starts shrieking. 

He's got the most interesting set of sound effects, Merry does. He does a lot of what rat-owners call 'peeping'- it's shorter than a squeak, and is usually done several times in succession. Several times? Merry can do it for five minutes straight. It sounds like he's just having a conversation with the cage wall. He never does it when Pippin's nearby, strangely enough. Merry also grinds his teeth a lot, which is like the rat equivalent of purring.

 

Pippin says peek-a-boo from his maze made of coke boxes!

Severus and I have really grown quite close since we adopted the rats. I say we- they're technically mine, but he loves them and cares for them as much as I do. He didn't question it too much when I said I wanted rats, and he's been supportive since day one. In fact, the rats love him just as much as they do me (which is weird for rats, they usually pick one human to focus on). Pippin is Sev's little buddy, they are a bonded pair. Merry is mine, good lil mama's boy. It's adorable.

Tonight I had the fuzzies out playing on the bed when Sev got home from work. Pippin dropped his piece of celery and raced to the edge of the bed to say hello. When Sev didn't acknowledge him immediately, he scampered up and down the edge of the bed, waiting for daddy to notice him. It was so sweet.  

 

The fuzzies love to play video games. Skyrim is their favorite.

My babies are what keep me sane. They're smart enough to love me and snuggle with me, and so devoted to me it's hilarious. They've been climbing all over as I type up this post, I keep having to turn capslock off and erase the signs of Rats on Keyboard Syndrome. In fact, when let loose in a huge room like the living room of a house, they still come back to me every ten minutes or so to remind me that they are there and that they love me. Occasionally they bring me treasures from under the couch, which is always fun. 

My babies are my life. They're like the children I want to have someday, except I have them now. They don't have to speak to tell me how they feel, we just understand each other most of the time. Who wouldn't love that?

To anyone considering future pets, I really do recommend rats. They're tough little buggers, so they'll do well with kids. They also handle high levels of attention really well, so if you have a kid who wants a pet he can cuddle, there you go. That said.......

I love my fuzzies.

Merry and Pippin love having their cage door open, even if they can't get out. It's like opening a window!